Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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