Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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