My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize