I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize