I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize