I can't breathe out the right side of my face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize