Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize