apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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