I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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