She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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