i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he shaved USA in his pubs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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