Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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