The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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