i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just had sex on a roof
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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