Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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