So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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