I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize