I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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