1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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