M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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