so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize