im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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