Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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