Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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