i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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