we have officially lost it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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