A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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