Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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