you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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