Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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