did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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