Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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