i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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