Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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