He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm both gender and math confused
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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