She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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