I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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