we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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