You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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