we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize