I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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