Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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