I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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