dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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