my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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