I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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