So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
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Do I have a choice?
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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