He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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