Taylor Swift is so right about you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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