I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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