Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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